The creepy crawly crud caught up with me. I’d been doing so good, laughing at all of my sick co-workers, using Clorox wipes on everything they even looked at, staying away from my hubby when he brought home the menacing scourge from the teenagers he teaches. Sadly, I wasn’t fast enough, or maybe I was too cocky. I truly thought I had escaped it this year.
I think that while I was out of the office on Friday, they came in and coughed and/or sneezed on my desk, computer, phone and paperwork. The people I work with are really vicious; shower planning, kid having, wedding surviving, and disease spreading monsters…. Or maybe I just haven’t been taking care of myself lately. I guess you never really know.
For the last week now, I have been living off of orange juice and cough syrup. I’ve had some of the most vivid dreams of my life lately, some incredibly scary and some that make me wonder if I need therapy. I slept one night in the chair, thinking that all of the viscous fluids in my body would not pool in my chest that way. Turns out, I really can’t sleep sitting up. I coughed, sneezed and cursed my way through the endless night time hours, until I gave up and got in bed. Hubby promptly crawled out the other side of the bed and went to sleep in the recliner. Do you think he is avoiding me?
I called in to work on Tuesday, and tried to come in on Wednesday. My boss decided I have Parvo (I tried to explain Parvo is like really bad doggy flu, he still swears I have Parvo…whatever), and he told me to go home. I was there long enough to change out one exhibit. (And it is a fine looking exhibit if I do say so myself… I’m slowly learning the process of exhibit design; I’m more of a research person.)
So, I was back at work yesterday… hating life, taking as much medicine as possible and sucking on cough drops. Had to go and talk to some museum type people at one point, so I made a quick detour into the girls’ room (check the hair, make sure nothing is stuck in my teeth from lunch) and I realized I had BLUE teeth. What the hell? I stuck out my tongue and it was a lovely shade of cerulean. Nice. One of the ladies I work with looked at my mouth and said, “Honey, that might just be infected.”
The longest day in history finally ended and I made it home. Hubby was in the front yard playing with our adorable puppy, Bear, and looking all smug and healthy. I coughed for ten minutes before dragging myself out of my (OMG Freaking Amazingly Gorgeous) new car and across the lawn. He gave me a one armed hug with his head cranked as far away from me as possible and gently shoved me out of his airspace. I stuck my tongue out and him and do you know what the pain in the rear said to me? Are you ready for this?
“Sweetheart, did you give Papa Smurf a blowjob today?”