Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Two Line Tuesday

I was reminded recently, that I do, in fact, have a blog.

I was also reminded that I have been neglecting said blog. The sting was eased by my friend saying, “But that’s okay, since you are writing. It is the writing that matters.” I just wanted to hang my head in shame.

In the last few months, I have edited a lot of other people’s work, some fiction, some non-fiction, and while I love to do that, I need to make myself write. I’ve written 1450 words of fiction and two non-fiction articles in the last few months. I hear the shrimp from Finding Nemo in my head right now… I am ashamed. Followed quickly by him saying, “Bubbles! My bubbles!”

Yeah, that’s how my brain works.

This month was the one year anniversary of our son being placed with us, and to tell the truth, I’m still learning to be a mom and cope with a toddler who has some abandonment and anger issues, as much as he is still learning that no matter what happens, we will always be there for him. We go for days with him being the sweetest boy in the world and then he has a nightmare and the next week is really bad. The nightmares are getting farther and farther apart and life is getting easier, but then there are mornings like today when I wake up at 4 am and my precious boy has brought his blanket in our room and is curled up on the floor sleeping.

It breaks my heart that he is afraid to wake us up. Hubby picked him up off the floor (much to my Labrador’s consternation as he was losing his snuggle buddy) and got him back in his own bed, which was obviously a mistake. My poor little boy started screaming at the top of his lungs at just after 6. Scared the life out of me. I jumped out of my bed, leaped over the snoring dog (thank goodness we have an alarm on our house, because he is sooooo not a guard dog), ran down the hallway and crashed into my son’s room. As I slid to a stop I wondered, “What do I do?”

It always scares him when we come into his room to comfort him when he is having a nightmare, whether we sneak in, just walk in, or come crashing in like I just had, and I didn’t want to scare him. I reached toward him and he pulled away from me. I’m not going to lie, my heart broke. It only took him a split second to realize it was me, but still, seeing the fear in my child’s eyes directed at me sliced something deep inside. It makes me sad, and fills me with absolute rage. No child should experience the fear he has.

So, yeah, I’ve been neglecting my blog and really neglecting my writing. I want to feel bad about that, but I realized I have to have priorities. For right now, as much as I want to write and get the bubbling, seething mass of ideas out of my head, I need to focus on my family. I’ll drop by as often as I can, because I do miss you, my bloggy friends. You boost my writing ego, you soothe my fears that I can’t do it – that I’m wasting time, and you have held my hand through the tough patches. Thanks for that. You’ll never know how much that means.

So, on to the writing portion of my lengthy post. If you’ve made it this far… just, wow. You’re awesome. Enough with my whining. I am reading Gena Showalter’s The Darkest Lie.

What’s it like? Living without a demon?

I know, I’m such a tease. I really like her storyline in this Lords of the Underworld series. Demon doesn’t always equal evil and angel doesn’t always equal good.

And on to what I am writing. My current WIP started out as a joke, but now, the pressure is on. I’ll share the story of how it came about as soon as I am able, but right now, it is all a big secret. I’ve been told that if I tell anyone, my tongue may be removed and my fingers broken so that I have no way of communicating other than grunting. Not a thrilling prospect, since I love to talk so much. I can’t even share the title, but I am going to be sneaky and post a couple of lines here and pray that the person or persons who have threatened me don’t check up on me. Wish me luck!

Sweat slicked my palms, air sawed in and out of my lungs and I felt like I was going to piss my pants. It felt just like the first time I climbed the sheer rock face of a cliff, praying that all my gear was secure and fighting the urge to check my safety harness one last time.

This is the first time I’ve written much of anything in first person. Plus, I’m writing it from a male POV. I felt like throwing myself under the bus evidently.

Thanks for being here, and I hope I can visit again soon! For more Two Sentence Tuesday, visit the Women of Mystery.


Clare2e said...

Aw, Crystal. I know if you keep loving your boy as well as you can, he'll get better and more confident still.

As to the (neglected) writing, I like it! Pulse-pounding!

Travis Erwin said...

The bringer of shame. That is me.

You really won't like my post today.

Like your lines, but you might wanna try to ax one of the felts.