Wednesday, April 8, 2009

3WW - Content Warning

It's time for another 3 Word Wednesday. The prompts this week were: Flirt, Ploy and Stunning.

I'm still trying to let my "hero" finish his story and get revenge. I think this is going to have to be the next to last installment for him. He's very dark, and way too obsessed. This weeks clip is a little more explicit, but he's very close to the killer. Don't read this if you are offended easily, please. Otherwise, enjoy at your own risk.


He watched the working girl flirt for over an hour before the one he was looking for showed up. Not a stunning girl by any means, life on the streets sucked all the pretty out of her a long time ago.

The longer he watched, though, the more attractive she got. He knew his obsession was going to kill him, but what did he have to live for anyway?

His precious little wife had moved on and was screwing her divorce lawyer, and his two kids couldn’t wait to leave when he had them on his bi-weekly visits. They hid in their rooms playing video games and on the phone, and at 6:00 on Sunday would be waiting by the door, crap packed in their suitcases, ready to go back to grandma’s house.

Life sucked at this point. But watching the prostitute flash her saggy breasts and offer dates to anonymous men for a few bucks, and finding it a turn on, made him realize just how low he’d sunk. Her ploy wasn’t even that great. Flash them some T & A and expect them to cough up the money, but by the sheer number of trips around the block to the alley she made, he knew she must be doing pretty good. He wondered what she considered a good night. Twenty tricks? Fifty?

He’d been talking to the girl for a few weeks now. She’d been in the park. She’d seen the sick son of a bitch rape and kill his sister and had been too scared to do anything about it. He’d wanted to kill her, but couldn’t bring himself to wring her scrawny little neck. So, they worked out a deal. He’d watch her at night and if the guy showed back up she’d give him a signal – drop her purse and let all of the condoms fall on the ground. He thought it was stupid, but couldn’t come up with a better idea. She’d seen it on an episode of Cops.

As soon as the dark sedan pulled up, her purse hit the ground. Gold wrapped Trojans and flavored Lifestyles littered the sidewalk, and her eyes were wide with panic. Still, he waited until she picked up all her party favors and got in the car with the psycho bastard. He was probably letting her screw her way to a death sentence but he didn’t care at this point.

The engine in his twenty year old Toyota coughed and sputtered to life before he pulled into traffic and followed the dark sedan. What the hell was he doing? He had a degree in accounting for Christ’s sake. He wasn’t a cop. He wasn’t a P.I., but here he was following the man who had probably killed his sister and the prostitute that had given him a blow job to save her own life.

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8 comments:

Mendur said...

This is the first bit of your story I read. I followed the link from Three Word Wednesday here.

I think this story bit was at its best when it was focused on the now: current descriptions of the prostitutes, his reactions when his target showed up, etc. Those worked for me.

However, I have to say it felt like a summary rather than a story. If you explored those summarized bits in other chapters (divorce, kids, the 20-year-old Toyota), then you don't need to over-describe them here.

This is just my opinion but if you focus on telling each scene and then, if you have to, refer back to them with a single word or phrase (his cheating wife, his ungrateful kids, etc.) rather than full descriptions, you'll have a much more compelling tale.

Never-the-less, this is YOUR story and if it works for you, that's what REALLY matters.

Thanks for sharing.

ThomG said...

An interesting reading exercise from you. I really like the detail, the grittiness of it.

huddlekay said...

Damn girl. You said this was going to be your last post with him? Why? I want to see it played out. What happens to him? What happens to the prostitute? You could really have a story here!

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Phew, talk about cliff hangers! When's the next episode out???

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

I'm looking forward to seeing how this ends. Good job working some fairly innocent prompts into a dark piece.

sudharm baxi said...

Wicked, mean and certainly smart..Well executed..

maglomaniac said...

This is the 1st tym I came by you.
And I must say it pulled me till the end.
Interesting.

HARSHA

Angel said...

Hope she didn't accidently drop her purse!